One of my friends, some-one usually very upbeat and happy, said to me the other day “It’s not always easy to be positive”. This was from someone who lights up the room when she enters, is the life of the party and is always there to lend a hand to someone in need.
Having a positive outlook on life doesn’t mean that your life is perfect, and nothing ever goes wrong. “Stuff” happens to us all – we all are capable of feeling negatively towards an event, saying a harsh word in anger, being envious of a situation or just feeling a bit down on occasions.
This doesn’t automatically make us a negative person – it makes us human. The difference between occasionally feeling this way and usually feeling like this, is the difference.
How many people do you know that always find something wrong in any situation – the weather is too hot, or too cold, their neighbors are rude or too intrusive, their partner doesn’t show any love or are too controlling, their children don’t do as they are told or always expect things, they always seem to get sick, have no money, have people take advantage of them…..the list goes on and on….and on.
However, this post is not referring to Energy Vampires, but to the person who occasionally feels anything less than positive. This can be especially difficult when people have undertaken Personal Development Courses and feel that they shouldn’t be putting out negative thoughts and then feel guilty when they don’t radiate positivity continuously. A bit of a vicious cycle really!
So, what do you do when you feel less than positive?
- Firstly accept that you are experiencing these feelings. Don’t try and fight it or give out false words and expressions.
- Look at why you are feeling this way – is there something you can do about the situation or person or is it out of your control?
- If there is something you can do – maybe you are feeling a bit down – you don’t know why, but you feel things aren’t quite right…stop and ask yourself “What can I do right now to change this?” Maybe you could go for a 30 minute walk – instead of focusing on how you are feeling, take notice of your surroundings, focus all your attention on where you are walking, enjoy the moment.
- Write down your thoughts – don’t try and filter the words with positivity – write it the way you feel it. Simply expressing your feelings into words may be all it takes. Most importantly burn this writing after you have let it all go. Don’t go back and read and re-read all the words you have written – this can reinforce your negative thoughts.
- Take notice of your words and who you are speaking with. If you surround yourself with negative people continuously, you may find yourself following their patterns. (Refer to my previous posts on Energy Vampires and Am I An Energy Vampire?)
If you occasionally have negative feelings when you usually look at the bright side of your life, what is the message? What can you do about this message…and most importantly What Will You DO about the situation? This “doing” may just be an acceptance of decisions you have made and moving on from these decisions.
Whatever the cause, “Sometimes it is Just Not Easy Being Positive”…but then again, what in life worth doing is ever easy……..Food For Thought
This was an interesting read; I am drawn to “self help” information beneficial to my mental processes and physical well being.
A recent circumstance in my life left me feeling bereft for a period of time. For myself, I acknowledge that to “live” I am going to experience events that cannot be avoided. Monitoring my emotions and allowing myself to dwell in the moment, at the height of my sadness, helped me to reach acceptance of circumstances beyond my control. It also enabled me to gradually provide myself with healthy “self talk” to move beyond my sadness. My negative thoughts have been processed and I am able to look to the positive attributes of the situation.
I have made my crusade for personal growth and development a double edged sword on occasion.
The Positive —–when I’m feeling negative and know that it will impact on those around me, I do my best to think through the situation and ask myself the relevant questions to enable me to live in a happier place, hence those around me are living in that same happy place.
The Negative —- when my negative thoughts are aimed at myself, I give myself a rough time, worried that I will “attract” those negative aspects into my life. I attempt to banish those thoughts instantly.
After reading the Mind Recipes Post for today, I have decided that I can allow myself the time to thoroughly assess the negative thoughts I direct at myself and deal with them so they won’t come back to bite me again. My fearing those thoughts and attempting to dismiss them instantly only hinders my growth.
Thank you for sharing this personal account of your experiences Kath.
From my own experiences, merely saying the positive words are not enough to move us through. There are times in everyone’s life which can be occasions of sadness, and it is perfectly alright to acknowledge that sadness and accept it.
The problems come when your whole life is swallowed up with that sadness, and it engulfs your entire world for long periods of time.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you are no longer sad – it simply means that you have acknowledged your pain, and understand that this is part of the human emotion spectrum.
I especially liked your comment that “fearing those thoughts and attempting to dismiss them instantly only hinders my growth”.
Sending my thoughts to you as you continue this journey.
Hi Brenda. Great points! We have to be carefull what sort of people we spend more time with. Actually, being negative is much easier than positive and it’s also easier to propagate your negativity to others . Although all people have issues to face and problems to solve, I believe the difference between positive and negative people stands in the approach they have on these problems and issues.
I like your blog. You ‘ve done a great job.
Thank you Steven for your comments. It can be easy to fall in the trap of always looking at what is wrong in the world.
Being aware can turn this around – search for what you can do and/or what is right with the situation can make all the diffrence.
I totally can relate with this post Brenda.
To remain positive in the face of several daunting uncertainties and changes sweeping across the world these days can be challenging. Not to mention that there are so many negative people around us, so when we stay positive we are like the odd ones out.
Thank you for the tips, I have found staying away from negative people a very useful habit in keeping myself motivated. Not many people can sustain being positive, so you have to be conscious about the associations you keep.
Thank you for your comments Tito.
Just being aware of our own actions and words and also importantly of those words and actions of people around us can make a huge difference to the way we feel and react to circumstances in our lives.
This issue of time and emotion vampires has been a big challenge for me this year. Apart from managing regular family day to day things, work etc, I have a chronic illness which comes with it’s own restrictions..however, none of these were my vampires. My vampires were certain extended family members whose controlling and domineering behaviour and angry personalities really sapped the life out of me for 7 years- it affected my health, my relationship with my husband and my passion for myself. There was an a-ha moment and turning point where I realised I could either spend the next 25 years or so having the life sapped out of me becuase vampires unless they acknowledge there is a problem, won’t change… or I could just stop seeing them- entirely (believe me I have tried many other alternatives which didn’t work). The rest of my family see them, just not me…and it has been like a large weight has lifted from my shoulders. I have returned to being a shining light instead of beacon losing its glow, and a few symptoms of my illness have become less problematic in the process which means more life force and vitality to do the things I love…spending time with my family, painting and creating and enjoying life- That’s a win-win situation I reckon. There has to come a time when you have to make the right choice to move on, because some people don’t change.
Well said Ingrid.
After trying alternatives, sometimes there does come a time when it is best to distance yourself from people, and obviously in your case this has had a positive effect on your health and overall well being.
It is never easy to make decisions like this. Often the hardest thing is to make the decision and once made and carried out, a weight is lifted off. This also takes courage – so well done on making a decision which has had a positive affect on your life.
Dear Ingrid, you story sounds very familiar to me, so I know how you feel and I am with you 100% in not seeing part of your relatives for your reasons. I know that certain people give us more burden than joy, and more toxins than relief and they can stress us out more than our own troubles do. It’s also known that pets are far more valuable for our emotional health and relaxing than our own relatives. Many times a pet is far better to keep company to somebody than a human being.
Hi Steven, Thanks for your comments…it was not an easy decision to put in place, but once it was made, and I am consistent with it, I am back in control of my life, my energy, my creativity and can move forward. Unfortunately I don’t think my story is uncommon, but what I wish was more common is the strength and realisation that things can be different. Yes, pets are great 🙂
Hi Brenda,
Nice post and so true that sometimes we don’t feel positive and it’s okay. I like to think of these times as “moments” and they too shall pass. Rather than allowing a bad moment when you’re not feeling positive to ruin your entire day, just tell yourself it will pass, and it always does. I also don’t dwell in it so when I find myself feeling down about something I move on to something more upbeat.
Thanks for sharing!
Janette
Yes Janette we can all experience those “moments”, and they will always pass if you allow them to.
By not dwelling or being too hard on yourself, they can pass by quickly and easily.
Hi Brenda!
I had never heard the term “energy vampire” before. I’m gonna have to borrow that, lol!
Your post brought up so many good points! We all get down but its how we internalize it that makes all the difference.
I think our “environment” plays such a major role as well. I find when I’m surrounded by positive people…I stay much more positive!! 🙂
I agree that our environment plays a huge role – that’s why I think it is so important to recognize if we have energy vampires in that environment.
Glad you like the term “energy vampires”.
Thank you very much for your comments
I found your website on Google and have read most of your posts. Looking forward to reading more – just loving it
Excellent article. This is actually a tremendous web site.
At last – someone who is honest about this topic – and not just rah-rah……..positive positive. So refreshing to read this
Keep up your great content.
I agree – sometimes it isn’t easy to be positive, but nothing worthwhile ever is.
To recognize the importance of pulling yourself out of your hole is worth the effort
Simply want to say your post is really surprising. I didn’t expect to read something like this – you are right – it isn’t always easy